Quiet Time

So I have to admit, I struggle with my own quiet time with the Lord. I let life get in the way and I allow myself to be distracted more than I should. I want to be better about it; I often try to do bible studies to get myself in the habit of reading and praying daily. I still struggle.

I hope that one day I can say that I am so in the habit that it became second nature. That probably won't be for some time. I have also find that there is no shame in reading the bible in the bathroom when you are a mother to small children especially. It is the rare time when I am alone and things are quiet. I also find that a lot of my prayer time happens in the car on the way to the grocery store or to the bank or church.

I am learning that quiet times with God depend on your stage of life. When I was younger, it was easier for me to take time and just be with God. I could take a hike to the top of a mountain and sit and pray with ease. Now I have 1 husband, three children, two dogs, a few friends, and church obligations that seem to demand so much of my time- especially since God has called our family to home-school- talk about no time for myself! But I am learning to adjust to this stage of my life. There are days that my hands barely touch the bible, except to pick it up out of a milk spill or save it from my toddler's crayons. There are days when I get two hours to sit and read (albeit very very rarely!). I am trying to give myself grace on this and remember that God understands the circumstances of my life. But also not letting myself off the hook. So I am finding the times when it is possible for me and God to have alone time- whenever or wherever that may be!

Growing Pains

I remember when I was a teenager and my body was growing so fast that my bones ached. I remember I would cry at night to my mother telling her how much it hurt. "It's growing pains," she would tell me. I never understood why it hurt so much to grow.

Well now I am an adult and I am not getting taller anymore, but I am growing still. The growth I have is the same as all adults, it is internal. This pain hurts too. Some growth hurts more than others, it depends on the nature of the growth and how deeply it is ingrained into your life.

Maybe you decide you want to eat healthier; to stop drinking soda, start cooking homemade food, eating out less, more fruits and vegetables. That can be difficult, especially if you have a big junk food habit. Or maybe you want to be more financially responsible. It takes discipline to follow a budget and make the right financial choices. Those are both difficult things to do and it takes some pain involved with the learning process.

The most painful, however, is when it is something that is woven into your character for years that you have lived with and developed over the majority of your life. That is the most difficult and painful kind of growing pains. That is especially true if it is not your decision to change, but when you have been disciplined by God about that character flaw. When God has to "break us" to show us our sin, to show us how prideful we have been in our own strength, that is REAL growing pains. Those are growing pains that may last for days.

I have found that along with the pain comes a beautiful healing power. The grace that can wash over us after we have been broken is sweet and refreshing. It is redeeming and better than any spa treatment known to man. I have found out something about myself, in this as well. I have never had an easy time fasting- it seems the days that I decide to do it I become extra hungry. But when I am in the grace and going through the brokenness of the growing pains I find that fasting comes naturally. I find my body unable to eat because I am so meditative in prayer. That, for me has been such a beautiful place to understand fasting. I know so many people that can summon that ability easily. I am not one of those people. But I am so appreciative of what I have experienced in the growing pains.

Why Here, God?

So when we first moved up here to the White Mountain area, when we agreed to live 30 minutes from nowhere in the Petrified Forest with our closest neighbors being jackrabbits that have declared war on my summer garden, we knew that it was for a reason. We knew God had a purpose for moving us here, more than just the prospect of saving money and getting rid of some debt. When I explained this to my mother- who is a Christian- she sounded doubtful. But I knew there was a deeper meaning behind this upheaval of our lives.





As we have been trying to find a place up here for our families in the last 8 and 1/2 months, it is becoming clearer and clearer that I was correct in my assumption. There is such a need for people who are passionate about their faith. There are others out here, but the atmosphere of the mountains is so empty of God. The christian radio stations are few and far between, so many of the churches appear half asleep making the good ones so precious. As I have been living up here we have found a terrific church family that we have come to truly love! I have become a part of the worship team and I will soon be starting to help lead. I have also stepped into a place in the youth group. There is a terrific group of teen girls that are ready for some deep discipleship. I am excited to watch them grow and become beautiful women of God and lead their community one step closer to God.





I am not pretending to be the only one up here fighting the spiritual battle that is being waged in this beautiful place, but I am so glad to be a part of it. I am excited to see what God is going to do here. I feel the spirit gaining momentum and can see things at work. It will be such a joy to be involved in this journey!

Hello Again

I just noticed that it has been almost a year since I have actually published anything. It has been a busy 9-10 months! God called us to move 4 hours away to the Petrified Forest National Park- yes we live in a National Park, that is our backyard. We live 25 minutes from the nearest town and it is a bit of isolation. We have had to try to figure out why God called us here, which has been challenging but I think we are getting here.

Also in that time we have had to figure out our new schooling routine as well as my loving hubby's new work schedule. All in all it has been a time of serious adjustment in our lives. At this point things seem to be getting into a routine of sorts and we are adjusting.

I have noticed that this year has been a year of growth and change. I have noticed that my children have grown not only physically but emotionally and spiritually. My oldest has asked that she be baptized and we are going through the meaning of that with her before proceeding, but it has been very exciting. My middle child has started initiating prayer with our family and it has been a beautiful thing to watch.

I know that God is moving in our family and we are going to see some amazing things in the future. I am very excited about the things we can watch happen.

Faith and Hope

How funny is it that when God calls us, he is quiet and still and waits for us to recognize His voice. I think about Samuel in the temple, hearing God call his name and not knowing that it was God who is actually calling him. He keeps going back to the priest asking what it is that the priest wanted. After several times the light clicked on and Samuel finally figured out that it was God that was calling him.



That is so often what happens, and then even when we do finally figure that it was God's voice that was calling, we continue to doubt that we heard Him right or that He will follow through on what He has promised.



Recently we have heard a call from God. It started out slowly and without a clear direction. Then slowly and almost suddenly it started to take shape. Now we are at the point where we see what God is doing, but need to have faith. God has made it clear that we are moving. He has brought all things together and has even given me hope for future ministry. Now it is in my hands to have faith and sit back and allow God to work. That is the hard part. We have hope in Christ for our future.

Romans 8:28 28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

These are promises from God. In this time of waiting on God it is more important than ever to remember these promises. I daily am trying to remember what God tells me. I try to remember in Matthew that Jesus commands us to stop worrying and allow God to be in control. As a recovering control freak, this is a difficult task. I have to continually lay down my concerns at the feet of God. Every morning, noon, night I am in prayer that God will help me to let things go and that His will would be done.

It is a very hard thing to keep faith and keep hope. But if we open our eyes, there are constant reminders of His diligence and love. Throughout this journey He has given me what I needed to keep my faith strong. No more, no less. He gives what we need. It has been difficult, but drawn me closer- which is His ultimate desire!

Stewardship

So with the hard economic times we have had lately, people are thinking at stewardship in a different way. Stewardship is not just something we ought to do, but we have to. Our whole society is rethinking its relationship to money, credit, saving, etc. That has been a hard reality for many families. Foreclosures, bankruptcies and the like are now common household terms. These were always things that happened to "other people" or to "those people", you know the ones who made unwise spending choices and paid for their consequences, no one you knew.

That has changed. Luckily, my family has not had the misfortune of bankruptcy or foreclosure. For that we are truly blessed. However, we have been hit pretty hard by the economy. My husband used to be able to work overtime, to get extra jobs, and make up the deficit of me staying home. It made more sense for him to work the extra work than me to have a part time job, as he made so much more doing his off-duty jobs. Those jobs were coming steadily for awhile a few years ago. They have all but stopped. We depended on those jobs, as we should have known not to do, but now we have had to learn how to live without them, and with the choices we made while we had them.

So this has made me look at stewardship and my roll as a housewife in a whole new way. Stewardship is more than investing monetarily the money you have, but making that money work for you. Using what you have to the best of your ability so that in the end you have made the wisest choices with that money you could. We have cut our extras back considerably. Do we really need the premium cable channels? Is a landscaper absolutely necessary? What about cell phone plans, could we use a house phone more, and cell phones less?? We have cut back the amount we spend on groceries, we stopped buying so many unnecessary food items- soda, chips, and candy. We don't eat out nearly as often, and we buy simple whole food items and make them stretch. This will not only help our bottom line but our waistline as well.

All this started making me think of the Proverbs 31 woman. In Proverbs 31:10-31 (I would paste it on here but it is rather long) it describes a wife of good character, one who works for her family and is reputable and dependable. She works hard and is busy trying to make the most of the things that she has at her disposal. Her husband and children relish in her and sing her praises. She is kind and loving and diligent. She is not out spending money or gossiping at the corner about her neighbors, she is too busy taking care of the responsibilities in her home. My goal has become to be more like the woman in this passage than the other types of women mentioned in proverbs- the ones who tear down their own homes with their nagging and berating and gossip.

I have started to think of ways we could make the most of the space, the money and other resources that we have. I took up crocheting. I have made the children birthday and Christmas gifts. I started canning so that we would not have to buy as much produce in the fall and winter. I have started growing some of my own food so that I can have fresh and free food. We bought some chickens and a coop so that we can have fresh eggs and at some point chicken (my husband and his friends are going to throw a chicken slaughtering event in the backyard. I told him he better use a tarp!!) I am cloth diapering to save the money we spend on diapers, which with two in diapers is a lot! And my newest endeavor has been foraging. There are plenty of food available around us if we look for it, and today I found prickly pears on the side of the road...free fruit!

We were not living like kings before, and neither are we living like paupers now. We have begun to be more conscious of our spending and that is a good thing. Before it was easy to do what we pleased and make ends meet without feeling the hit. Now we have to work harder at it. Granted it is a challenge and at times we wonder if the money will come, but it does and then some. It has been such a time of blessing, this might sound as a strange way to look at a financial hardship, but it is. We are able to see God work in the little things, helping us to trust Him in the bigger things. This has grown our faith and our sense of who God is. We are learning to be more responsible and to be accountable for our actions. It is a beautiful time!! Praise God.

Forgive Myself ???

I love Tuesdays. It is a day off for my husband, first of all, and secondly it is my women's bible study day. I am blessed that I get to fellowship with other women and hear a truth lesson, that for some reason resonates with me deeper than those of Sundays.

The last couple of weeks have been about forgiveness and mercy. I forgiveness, as anyone who has been a christian for any length of time knows, is a key word in the christian church. Christ died so that we may have forgiveness. We must forgive one another. So on and so forth.

One thing that we discussed today is an aspect of forgiveness that we, especially women I think, don't think about. Forgiving ourselves. That is a big pill to swallow, forgiving ourselves. When we first started talking about this today I thought, oh well, I forgive myself. I don't hold grudges with myself, I need to focus on my reaction to others. Then as we dug deeper, I realized that no, I do not forgive myself enough. Sometimes I hold grudges against myself about personality things that are simply the way that God created me to be.

I never before had realized that my overcritical spirit of myself, of my big, loud personality, of my thicker thighs, of my boldness, of my curly hair was criticizing God and a sin. I never realized before that my beating myself up for not having a perfectly mopped floor or fingerprints on the walls or making only a mediocre meal is a sin. I had been holding myself to a standard that was impossible to uphold and judging everyone else by the same standard in order to make myself feel better for my inability to measure up. I was making myself God. I was taking over His position. I was in sin.

Something else that was brought up is that God is God and I am not. Ok, so it sounds really simple. It sounds elementary, right?? But think about it. How many times do we sit around thinking how we can control our lives, criticizing ourselves and just plain old making ourselves feel inferior. I know I do. I even do it about how good of a Christian I am. I get mad that I cursed again, or that I thought a crazy thought about someone, or even how much more I need to be doing for God's kingdom. If I was the perfection of Christianity that I think I should be, then I would already be in Heaven. I walk around trying to make everything "appear" perfect when in reality it is about to fall apart. I try and do Christianity on my own and forget that God is the center of it all. I step out all alone time and time again and forget the one who created me and keeps me righteous. Then I am surprised that I trip despite my own feet, and hold myself accountable.

So then it comes to forgiveness. It is two fold. We number one need to ask God's forgiveness and recognize that we are not as powerful as we would like to believe. But the second part is much much harder. We let go. We forgive ourselves for not being perfected yet, and give God the control. We trust Him to do what needs to be done. It is not in our power to be perfect, so why do we get mad when we miss the mark? We have to forgive ourselves, or we are walking in our own power again. We need to recognize that it is God who does all things, deserves all praise and apart from Him we can do nothing. Not just we can do only a couple things, but nothing!! Not one thing can be done in our own power. It is only God who can walk this walk with us. It is only God who can be our map and guide. If we hold ourselves to a higher standard than where God has us at the moment, we miss the blessing and lesson we are supposed to learn right now. And if God is teaching us something, you can guarantee it is an important lesson!